He stared, blankly, at what was becoming a nuisance.  He could not understand it, even in its simplicity.  It had grown from a simple, strange anomaly, and had become a household pet, complete with a sense of its own existence.  When he threw it food, it ate food, even though it had, itself, come from what was food.

Abraham had a bad habit; he had it since he was a simple first-year University student.  He just could not remember to clean the fridge.  It was a nuisance that he had no time, a nuance of life that he chose to ignore.  Besides a fowl stench emanating from the kitchen, it usually caused him little discomfort. However, this particular growth had began to speak.  Well, not speak per se, but rather, to gurgle a form of rhthymic singing that could be mistaken for communication.  Indeed, Abraham felt certain this block of cheese had grown into a sentient life.

The first act that the cheeseman took upon himself was to chase after the cat.  Barfing up angry gurgling noises, it ran after Fluffy with a sort of purposiveness, intent on... well, what its intentions were remained a mystery, but there was intent.

Fluffy never quite was the same.

Abraham had developed a system.  He found that should he throw some pieces of food-- never cheese!-- the creature become complacent.   It began to whistle, bubbled up, spat out a bit of its self, and remained where it was.  However, this was only found by accident.  For, on one particular occasion, after Fluffy had become terribly frightened, defensive, and offended, Abraham found that he had to do something to protect his feline companion.  So he had done what most men would have done on such occasion: he found the nearest object and threw it at the anomaly.  This particular object had been a cucumber, which he had been eating.  The cucumber plopped onto the cheeseman, and had become absorbed into its corporeal form.  And then, the cheeseman had simply ceased chasing Fluffy.

All were content for the moment.

The block of cheese came to be a household pet.  Just as the cat had to be taken care of, 'Fuzzface' (as he became known) had to be attended.

The entire episode was counter-intuitive.  Who has ever heard of a block of cheese coming to life?  But then again, as the narrator, I have you under my control.  You will believe whatever I tell you.

Oops... I apologize.  You were not meant to see the riggings of this particular special-effect.  We will return to the program.

At any rate, the entire thing made no sense to Abraham.  He could not understand why God, in his infinite wisdom, had saw fit to give life to this pathetic creature.  The only thing it knew how to do was torment the cat and otherwise entertain Abraham through expressing its burping language.  Truly, there were greater things for God, in his infinite wisdom, to entertain himself with.

Or perhaps that was the point.  Maybe even God sometimes became bored.  Many people point to the Platypus as one such occasion.

Regardless, Abraham was beginning to worry.  Knowing that few people would understand his new mate, he became worried that his significant other, who was returning from her vacation, would not understand, just as he did not understand.  On the top of his mind, also, was the thought that she might be disgusted by this creature, by Abraham's uncleanness, and the whole sordid affair might end up with him having to chase after her, explaining that it was God's Providence.

Then again, Abraham was an atheist.

Taking Abraham's religion out of consideration, the event still did not make any particular semblance of sense.  Had he truly been a Christian, the event would still have made very little sense.  As an atheist (or rather, for one who took science as a religion), the creature was still preposterous.  It still made no sense to have a creature whose sole purpose was to barf, burp up some sort of language, and chase the cat.

However, I believe this argumentation has become circular.

Without reiterating, Abraham became confused.  When Jillian, his significant other, returned from her vacation in Canada, she looked at the block of cheese.  "Oh great, one more ?mouth? to feed," she thought to herself.  She looked at Abraham, who could only shrug his shoulders.  When Fuzzface growled at her and tried to devour her toes, she gave him a kick.  Splatting on the wall with a thick thunk, Fuzzface chose never to cross Jillian again.

I wish I could tell you that the household lived happily ever after.  There was a semblance of unity amongst the four.  Fluffy would paw at Fuzzface, which would make Jillian laugh in glee, and then Abraham would throw a chunk of food-- never cheese!-- to Fuzzface.  However, when Abraham would wake seeing Fuzzface creeping up on his chest, he decided that something had to be done.

The cheese had gone bad.

At any rate, it was not like he could just shut the cheese outside.  That would be cruel, and as a modern Prometheus, Abraham felt a great deal of responsibility.  Was he a modern Prometheus?  Or was that the cheese?

Highly irrelevant.

He shut the cheese outside of the bedroom at night.  Even this, however, brought a great deal of discomfort.  For, Fuzzface would attack Fluffy in the night through pure boredom, and the combination of guttural-- can something without a gut be said to emit guttural noises?-- gurgle and Fluffy's high-pitched hiss, it would be difficult to get a simple night's shut-eye.

Nothing was simple.

Finally, Abraham made a decision.  He took Fuzzface, brought him over to his neighbour, and gave him to her.  All was well until Fuzzface returned, and his neighbour went missing.  Truly, thought Abraham, this block of cheese is more trouble than (s)he's worth.

-- note: is it sexist to call the block a "cheeseman?" Should it be "cheeseperson?"  Even that somehow does not seem correct, since it is not a person.  Better to call it a "cheeseman"... thus, no one should be offended by grouping it with the hairier sex.

I wish there was a conclusion to the affair.  Abraham's girlfriend ended up his wife, Fuzzface still rules the household with a burping, farting language none can understand, and Fluffy has managed to stay clear of the cheese.  

There is no real conclusion, only conditioning.  Abraham and Jillian have become conditioned to enjoying Fuzzface's company.

The neighbour still has not been found.